The Heavy Cost of What Is Called Fame

Some people call hair loss a kind of pain, some see it as fate, and others simply brush it off as a matter of age.

I made it my profession to solve that problem.

Spending all day looking only at hair eventually made me a specialist,

and naturally, I became someone who writes, makes videos, and shares thoughts.

These days, all of it feels familiar, but at first, I only wanted to share the knowledge and experience I had.

I have 370,000 YouTube subscribers.

Even when I try to think of numbers as nothing more than numbers, there are times when the many gazes hidden within them feel heavy. I still read every single comment.

At first, every comment stayed with me, and even at night, lying under the covers, I kept thinking about them. “Why did they say that?” “Why was that scene edited that way?” It was a long stretch of time when I couldn’t tell whether I was reflecting on myself or simply censoring myself.

What stayed with me the longest, of course, were the malicious comments.

I really wondered how people who did not know each other could speak so carelessly. In the beginning, I was hurt a lot.

When I saw comments like “Why do you talk like that?”, “Fix your face,” “Worry about your own hair,” or “Are you really a doctor?”, I would even look in the mirror and wonder if I should change the way I spoke or change my editing style.

I worried about it so much that I no longer wanted to write or film videos, and there were even times when I uploaded something and then took it down again.

Back then, I was clumsy at putting myself out into the world, and it was a time when a single remark from someone

felt like it could shake my entire existence.

But now it is different. I still feel bad in the moment sometimes, but the feeling does not stay for long.

Even in the moment of hurt, I tell myself, “This will pass soon,” and “The voices I really need to listen to are elsewhere.”

When I appeared on a variety show recently, many people contacted me to say they enjoyed seeing me there.

I did not get to watch the live broadcast, so I checked the video uploaded to YouTube, and if it had been in the past, my fingertips would have trembled as I looked at the comments.

But this time, I just scrolled down as usual.

Familiar comments caught my eye. Things like, “Did you go on there to make money?”, “Unlikable,” and “Are all doctors YouTubers these days?”

Now I know. Those words cannot change my life.

My words and attitude may be helpful to some people, but they may also be uncomfortable for others.

I can respect that as well. I do not need to bear everything.

The comments left for the celebrity who appeared on the same show were far harsher than the ones I received.

The remarks went on with an intensity that was almost suffocating. That day, for the first time, I realized that being a celebrity is not a job just anyone can do.

I only get hurt from time to time, but I thought about how much emotion people who have to stand in front of the public every day must carry.

Thinking about it that way made the malicious comments I received feel like nothing at all.

Honestly, I am a rather lacking person. I do not have much self-confidence, and I sometimes smile first or pretend to be more laid-back than I really am because I am afraid my true feelings will show.

In front of patients, I act strong, but inside, I ask myself countless times, “Is this the best we can do?”

When I first started YouTube, I would freeze in front of the camera and make mistakes repeatedly, sometimes reshooting everything from the beginning. Even now, right before I turn on the camera, the thought crosses my mind: “Is it okay to say this?”

Still, I know now. I do not need to be perfect.

If anything, my rough and imperfect side can reach people more honestly.

That clumsiness is, in the end, who I am, and not hiding it is, in a way, my sincerity.

Malicious comments have their own kind of meaning. Thanks to them, I learned how I might come across to others, and they helped me keep my center so I would not lose my own voice.

A life that remains as a lesson rather than a wound is much better than before.

There is a word called “fame.” But these days, the world has become one where people can easily attack others while hiding behind the shield of anonymity, and as a result, the “tax” of fame has become even higher.

Even when I try not to look, I still end up checking the comments out of curiosity. But I always make a promise to myself: if I get hurt by a malicious comment with no reason behind it, then I lose. So I should not be hurt.

Malicious comments I actually received on YouTube

The stress celebrities receive now is likely much greater than it was in the past.

So I make a promise to myself: at least I will be someone who does not make that tax any heavier for others. I will offer one more kind word.

In reality, even one supportive comment can change how your whole day feels.

And even if you do not like something, you can express it politely.

Let us not write in the comment box words we would never be able to say if we were facing someone in person.